Is Autism a Superpower?

           Is Autism a Superpower? Sometimes yes.  It’s very cool to feel the joy of a new special interest. Or an old one that is so familiar. It’s interesting to smell and hear and taste things other people don’t. Analyzing the motivations and behaviours of others is fascinating. I love being in the presence of my “people” and hearing about their special interests, learning about topics with a depth and breadth other people don’t. I love scrolling through my feed and seeing all the cool stuff come up that’s related to my special interests.

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            Sometimes… it’s just not. When the lights are too loud and the sounds are deafening. When I simply cannot understand why people do what they do, when the smells are soooo gross and just overwhelming. It’s not a superpower when I need to write an essay but I just can’t, I’m not ready to. Or when I have to write it very early because my brain has decided to write it now, even though it doesn’t make sense (if I miss the window, sometimes it’s gone forever). I hate misunderstanding people, and I hate ruminating over experiences that are long past, and the amount of energy it takes to get past that rumination. I am frustrated by a brain that has to do things in a certain order… that isn’t my choosing. I detest the fatigue and the stomach issues, and not being able to make my own lunch, or even knowing I need to. I sometimes feel frustrated that everything in my life must be scheduled. I don’t do well with changes in my plans. I have to verbally talk myself through challenges and sometimes suffer brain fog that makes basic functioning difficult. I am frustrated that my life is narrow, on one hand it represents safety and a reduction in inputs that I need to function, on the other hand, I’d like to be able to do several errands in a day without feeling completely overwhelmed. I resent masking. I so resent it and the damage it’s done to my life. Burnout is certainly not a superpower!

            Mostly it depends on the day. Some days it is my superpower, others it’s not. I will say that for me, even on a day when it’s a superpower, it’s a disability. Please remember that not everyone sees Autism through these lenses. Many people have different ideas about Autism and what it means in their life. This is just me!

            Part of what I do in practice is work with people to unpack both the superpower and the disability. To work with clients to reconcile the ends of the spectrum and the impact in their lives.

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